As Mr. Vieira wrote about last week, this blog is an idea to
basically be another hobby of ours. I like to write very much and he
likes to talk about stuff he enjoys doing, so we might as well join
both in a single thing. We were a little hesitant at talking about
personal matters but we figured we should just choose wisely what to
say.
We both have had some turbulent past experiences that we grew from.
He already wrote briefly about his experiences and now I feel like it
is my turn to do the same.
I have incredibly low self esteem and a huge lack of confidence in
myself. I have always been a little fat, somewhat chubby and that
made me feel undesirable since my teenage years. I was bullied when I
was around 13 years old. That is a very delicate age, so many things
are happening inside our minds and body. I still feel the
consequences from that sometimes. This huge gap in my esteem spreads
to my confidence in other areas for some infuriating unknown reason
when I let my barriers down.
At the same time, I learned to show a tough front to the world, so in
some ways this pretending helped me internalize some things. I
consciously know I am smart and worthy of good fortune. I have
learned to build up walls around my inner self so nobody can hurt me
anymore. To the exterior world, I do look like a very self confident
person. My husband, I believe, is the only person that I truly allow
to take a peek inside. This exchange between us has helped to solve
some of our issues.
If you are reading this and you feel like you connect to anything I
have said, or if you need to remember yourself that things will turn
out alright someday, relax. Just give yourself a break from
overthinking too much. I think low self esteem is just like an
addiction when it is up to the “cure”. There is no cure. Some
comment here, some situation there and you will be down the hill once
again. Unless you surround yourself with people that love you for who
you are. Or, in my case, unless you find a person that knows all of
your weaknesses and still loves you.
---
Mrs. Vieira
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